5:18AM

Inhabitable spaces,

Intangible faces,

Intolerable mazes are in my mind.

Internal suffering,

In search of what is lasting,

What’s left of me is what has been left to be mine.

.

I’m really getting tired of having critiques on work I don’t really care for. I told my professor that I think my in-class figure paintings were bad because I’m struggling to forget everything I’ve learned. They weren’t successful paintings because I haven’t let go of every dumb shit I’ve been brainwashed to force into my work, only some. After a much needed discussion about art, style and the making vs the sharing of work.. He brings me a drawing I had on the floor and told me that it was a “good drawing.” He said “students these days have a bad problem appreciating art that ‘is what it is’ - its a good drawing of the situation in front of you- you guys need to stop looking for overstimulation.” I told him “Well.. i just look to see how well someone recreates a vision or an image they see in their mind into something that someone else can see.. I think this is a bad drawing, I think you just find interest in my lack of ability to be character or something.” He looked at me for like 6 seconds, and i got bugged out thinking oh shit did i say something i shouldnt have said? He responded.. “That’s exactly what some of the most influential artists have said. You get the point of this then.”

Which point? What a jedi mind trick of a conversation that was. Damn.